Five Things I Didn't Expect About Being A Mom

Being a mom (or dad), there are a lot of things you think about as the birth of your child comes closer.  You worry about whether they'll be born healthy, what they'll look like (I really wanted my baby to be born with hair).  You think about what the nursery will be like and how soon before they'll sleep through the night.  I was one of those people that read a lot--internet articles, books on baby's first year, parenting guidebooks.   But there are some things all the reading and preparation and decisions about nursery themes and diapers and feedings just can't prepare you for.  I'm sure this list is very different for every parent, but here's mine.

1.  I am obsessed with my baby's sleep. Other mom's are obsessed with how many ounces their baby eats at each feeding, or how many dirty and wet diapers they make.  Me, I want my baby to sleep.  My husband and I both have crappy sleep habits (watching TV in bed, staying up too late, hitting the snooze twenty times in the morning) and I am determined not to instill that on my kid.  I carefully note each little block of sleep and how she got there both on my smartphone and on a chart.  I'm like a scientist watching over an experiment.  Or maybe I just want to brag about how my baby sleeps 11 to 12 hours at night.  And complain about how short her naps are....

2. Her cute little feet. I am not a foot person.  I will massage any part of my husband's body before I touch his feet, whether his feet are aching or fresh from a shower.  But Amelia?  I probably kiss the soles of her feet ten times a day.   More if it's making her smile at that particular moment. This is not even stopped by the fact she always tries to put those adorable feet in her poop whenever I change her diaper. (Don't worry! I clean them before I kiss them)!

See how cute they are?

3.  The habits of a crazy person are suddenly the most precious thing in the world if your child is doing them.   If you saw a man standing on a corner, trying to put a spoon in his mouth and missing over and over again, you'd probably back away slowly, right?  Well, yesterday, I watched my daughter try to put her pacifier in her mouth for five minutes straight, half the time not getting it near her mouth, the other half smashing it against her lips the wrong way.  It was hilarious.  I eventually went over and put it in for her when she started to cry.  

4.  I don't mind getting poop on me, nor do I honestly notice half the time.  The first week Amelia was home, she pooped explosively (yes, babies really do this) as I was changing her diaper, shooting it outward so it landed on my feet, arm and the bed.  I laughed and kept changing her.  I can't even count the number of times I've realized I have a poop smear on my hand when I haven't changed a diaper in at least an hour.  This may have something to do with being an artist and always having ink or paints on my hands and under my nails.  That said, I have become much more thorough about sanitizing my hands before cooking or eating. 

5.  I didn't know it until I had a kid, but I have ninja-mom-bat ears.  My husband and I can be sitting on the couch, in the living room, watching TV and eating dinner and if Amelia makes the slightest peep, we immediately have this conversation:

                               Me: What was that?

                               Him:  What was what?

                               Me: I thought I heard the baby. 

                               Him:  I didn't hear anything.

                               Baby:  Waaaaah!

                               Him:  Oh. 

I could list a few more things I didn't expect about being a mom, but I figure one thing on the list with poop is enough.