Thoughts Over Coffee

Unemployment has made me lazy.  At least, for awhile, it did.  I lost a job I absolutely loved and probably could have gone on working happily at for years, even at such a low pay rate.  So, when it ended, I spiralled into a mini-depression for the first several weeks, and then was caught up in the last moments of wedding planning for the weeks after that.

The marriage and honeymoon itself distracted me and then I was swept into married life. You would think, after living together for a year, it wouldn't be all that different but, in a lot of small ways, it is.

Now, as you may have noticed, things are finally getting back to semi-normal.  Minus one job of course.  Which means you, dear reader, get stuck with a lot of these posts of me blathering about what I'm going to do with my life.

I have talked about this at no end with my husband.  Presently, he pays all of the household bills, with the exception of the few I brought into the marriage (cell phone and a couple of credit cards).  Our ideal dream is that either I make enough to split all the bills (and really start saving money) or that he get start getting good enough jobs that money isn't really a worry anymore.  Neither of those things is probably going to happen before my unemployment runs out.

However, I am lucky enough to have someone who asked me what it is I really want to do.  Ideally, of course, I would love to start making enough from Etsy and my art to stay at home, be a wife, and eventually, a mother (and if we don't succeed in having children, we'll rescue a bunch of dogs and cats). Rather than scoff, he simply encouraged me to try my best.   Of course, he also knows, I am wise enough to always have a back-up plan or two.  So, I have also applied to CPCC and filled out my FAFSA, considering getting an Associate's in Accounting wouldn't cost much more than I was making in a year before (a worthy investment) and also continue to search and apply for jobs, should somethng ideal come up (dream job at my level: bookseller, so if any of you know a regional manager at Barnes & Noble or anything, drop my name).  Tomorrow, I go to a resume building class at the Job Center.

I'm not sure where I am going to end up yet.  I am getting really focused back on art again and if I can keep up the momentum, making money enough from it, could be a dream within reach.  I also have not made up my mind one-hundred percent about going to school, but am treading forward on that path, regardless, knowing I'd rather be ready to take it, than realize I want to and cannot.

And if I could manage to do both, well, that would just be awesome.

Questions, Questions

I have a lot of things to figure out.  Presently unemployed and recently married, my dream job would be to stay home, make art and be a housewife full-time (ideally, of course, making enough on art to my bills and my share of the household expenses).  My secondary dream job: working in a bookstore.  I don't know why, but I've always felt like I could go far working in a bookstore (and get a lot of awesome discounts on new reading material).

However, if the art thing were working out (don't worry, I'll never stop creating) I wouldn't even be looking for a job.  And if it were as simple as getting hired at a bookstore, well, I'd already be working there. So I need to figure out other options.  I am considering going to school at CPCC for an associate's degree in accounting, though after filling out the FAFSA today, I've realized my newly married status gets me no financial aid (I'll have to take out student loans).

So where I am at is: (a) do I go back to school even though we could really use the second income and full-time school will inhibit my ability to work more than a few hours a week? While job-hunting, what else should I look for (if you read the first paragraph, you have an idea of what I like, and I would love to hear suggestions for jobs I may not have otherwise thought of)?  Does anyone know of job openings?

I find myself really frustrated right now, because it's hard to make up my mind what to do.  I continually see how badly we need money and yet know even a two year degree could seriously up my earning potential.  I also hate being supported by my husband or the government (I'm presently on UI).  Just thinking about it makes my shoulders draw right up to my ears.

Looking for input, but not expecting it.  If anyone has suggestions, knows a job I should look into applying for, or wants to suddenly buy a thousand dollars worth of my art monthly so I can focus on what I love most, let me know.

Signs of Grief: Productive Insanity

I have been very productive with my art in the last week.  Anyone that follows my Etsy or my Facebook has seen me post link and link to block print after block print.  Yellow and brown bunny cards, purple tulips, berries in gold and crimson.  I've been posting and Facebooking and photographing.  My studio is an utter and complete mess.

See where I put my artist proofs/test prints?  I just cram them between a couple of blocks and the window, to be filed at some random point in the future. 

And I have been organizing my photographed cards by piling them on my futon.  Obviously, putting things away is not my strong suit.

However, productivity is a good thing, right?  Yes, it is, even in this situation.  Especially in this situation.

My boss, a huge gym rat, was talking this morning about how all the barriers he could not pass this week in weight-lifting, he has just blown through like no one's business.  And here I am putting out more cards than I have in a month, while also managing to photograph and get them up online in a matter of hours.  This is unheard of for me.

And for both of us, it's fueled by one thing: the fact that, in just a week now, the place we love and work will be closing.  I am actually glad that something positive has come out of this.  Perhaps I will, after all, be able to focus enough to turn art into something financially helpful, if I can keep this fire burning.  

I find it amazing how the human mind works, that it will take something horrible or sad or depressing and turn it in to something positive and beautiful.  It's actually really freakin' awesome.  Every day I am awed by the capacity for adaptation in our species. 

Also, I know what I'll be doing on my first day of unemployment: cleaning my studio. 

The End is the Beginning is the End....

I found out on Friday the coffee shop I have worked at since November of 2009 will be closing it's doors for good in less than two weeks. Most of the condolences I have received have been along the lines of "Don't worry; you'll find another job," when, really, that is the least of my concerns.

CoffeeWorks, the place at which I am employed, has been here for twenty years and some of it's customers have been coming here on a consistent basis for most of those two decades.  It is those people I feel most sorry for.  Telling someone who has been coming to the same place two or three times a week for years that they can't do it anymore...well, it's akin to telling them their dog is going to die, and they go through the same stages of grief.  Me, I'll find another job.  Those people will have a hard time finding another second home.

Now that I am going to be unemployed, people seem to have all sorts of ideas of what I should do, the main concept being that I should pursue art as a career.  I don't think most people actually understand what that entails....

What I imagine they imagine is that I will sit in my well-lit studio each day from sunup to sundown painting beautiful and glorious paintings and selling them off  one-by-one with ease.  I think they imagine that I'll have gallery openings every weekend in which all of my paintings sell.  In truth, I will probably never achieve that kind of success in my art, nor am I sure I want to.  Nor can I afford to.

Art, like in any other business, takes money to make money.  The way to be successful with my art would probably be to sell giclee prints of my originals, but it costs a lot of money to manufacture prints.  I could print them myself, but a printer could enough to do it would cost well over a thousand dollars, without the guarantee I would make the money back.   Not that I have that kind of money to begin with. All I can really say at this juncture is, as long as I'm unemployed, I'll be focusing more on my art (and more on cleaning my house).

Another thing is,  I'm not sure I want art to be my career.  Creating when I want to is one thing.  Creating because I have to could very well drive me away from any sort of art-making.  I don't enjoy the pressure of needing to be creative.  Spontaneity in art is one of my most favorite things.  However, going back to the print making, if I could successfully make and sell prints of my work, that might be another story....

So here I stand, at the end of one part of my life and the beginning of another,with a million avenues to go down and no clue as to which path I'll end up on it.  For better or worse, though, art shall always be a part of my life.